Bought Me Some Stinky Eggs

The other morning, I drove by Peter's house on East 18th Street. It still looks the same. The new owners are still using the same garbage pails that have been in front of the house since Peter brought them home years ago. I parked the car and just leaned against the light post in front of the garden. I smiled. Oh so many years ago, we'd be watching Peter "plant" his many dozens of eggs in the bushes so that they could get nice and stinky for Halloween. I looked down the street to Josh's childhood house and remembered the dummy hanging from the tree. I walked down the Kippel's driveway and peered into the back yard. There was no pool. The porch was in rotting. Nettie was not seen sitting at the table with her crumbcake in one hand and hot tea in the other. Peter Sr. wasn't a fixture anymore with his filterless ciggy poised in one hand, bare chested showing his "Nettie" tattoo and perched on a bench. No one I know lives there. The neighborhood is completely different. The houses have facelifts. But the memories ... That's all we have right...

I must be about 4 yo here with Peter in the
backyard of Nettie's house.
There is a similar photo of Peter taken the same day,
that he always had with him wherever he moved.
It was taken from his home the day he died.
If you see it hanging in someone's house
(or hidden under their bed)  -- swipe it for me.
It was Nettie's favorite photo of her son.


Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty of Infidelity

Trust and you'll be trusted
Says the liar to the fool
Lust so what if you're busted
In love and war there ain't no rules

Do you believe in forever?
I don't even believe in tomorrow
The only things that last forever
Are memories and sorrow

Out of sight, out of mind
The motto, the betrayal
The prophets preach to forgive and forget
I'm sorry, but I am unable

Live from PA

So, I got back into the car. I drove to the store and bought a dozen eggs. I went back to Nettie's house,  pulled one egg out of the package and positioned it in the front garden, behind the bushes. By Halloween it should be nice and stinky. Not sure if I'll come back to retrieve it ... It would be nice to know that it is there... just in case a very tall Brooklyn boy comes home and wants to play a little trick on an unsuspecting  treater. 
Nostalgia is a bitch ...


  1. A poignant post that I'm sure we can all relate to...

  2. This is an emotional post. It's sad cause as time goes on nothing seems the same as they once were...Wishing that Nettie was still sitting at the table with her crumbcake in one hand and hot tea in the other... Peter Sr.with his filterless ciggy poised in one hand, bare chested showing his "Nettie" tattoo and perched on a bench... and Peter planting his many dozens of eggs in the bushes so that they could get nice and stinky for Halloween.......
    If only we could turn back time...
    This is a nice picture and it's a damn shame that people would remove his things that should of went to the family...I gotta say karma is a bitch and will come to those who done wrong by peter and by your family and kick them right in their naughty spot!! Thank you for sharing :)

  3. :*(
    I'm sorry that heartless people took things that did not belong to them. I hope someday your family gets back everything that was taken. "The only thngs that last forever are memories and sorrow" ain't that the truth.

  4. I've done that a couple of times, gone back to the same places, and it's been a slow realization of the whole bottling time concept. It's not the place you miss, but the whole time. People, places, atmosphere.

    It makes me cry, and I feel very old sometimes. I've lost someone like that too, as I'm sure many of us have. You see their cars, or their houses, or hold something that once was dear to them and reach out with your mind to reconnect with them.

    I'm crying now, because I hate to think anyone else lives with that kind of ache.

    In death there is absolutely an ending, but also a beginning and a shared response from all who cared about Peter, or any other lost person.

    I reach out to you this morning to touch hearts and to tell you I understand and I care.


  5. This made me cry......

  6. very bittersweet. I bet the memories put a huge smile on your face and warmed your heart. Then reality sets in. Nothing is the same, and never will be. Sometimes ya just want to close your eyes and just relive those memories forever.

    I have this crystal clear visual of Peter kneeling over a piece of dirt, making a hole in it and burying an egg with a snicker on his face.
    AS far as the photo goes, it does appear to me that Peter did not have great taste in women for the most part. Yes there were some great ones. But it seems like more that just wanted to ride the Peter train for while; use him, cheat on him, and move on, like a black widow ( funny he has that tattoo) I hope if it was one of them they would have the decency to hand over what isnt theirs back to the family.

  7. What an adorable photo. It simply sickens me that someone could be so heartless as to take his belongings like that. I hope that they get their just desserts.

  8. Thought I had stopped with the crying, but this one got me.Thanks for sharing.

  9. this post makes me really, really sad again... :´( and which idiots plundered his home?!! this is sooo disgusting and a real shame! :(

  10. that's awful, i hope you get the picture back someday...nobody else deserves to have it but the family. nostalgia IS a bitch, when familiar things are no longer familiar and only your memory keeps them alive.
    love & hugs to ya...

  11. Yes it is the strangest feeling....my childhood house is very different now. It feels wrong when you see what changes the new owners have done. Its like " What the hell..you cant do that...My grandmother planted that or my grandfather built that!" It does make you feel like something has gone from your life and there is nothing you can do about it. I know life is about changing and growing but I wish we could keep things like the houses we grew up in because of the memories of loved ones who have gone, and trees or plants that were planted by them. Rotten eggs...So Peter threw the eggs at people? That is so gross! The best thing about Unsuccessfully Coping is CUNT. I love that word, I think because most people are so offended by it...so I use it whenever I can! What a cute picture of you and Peter and as Windy said, I believe in Karma and to the people who took so many of Peters things....you will have something taken from you that you love.

  12. i pray each and every single day that pam and her goon(s) get whats coming to them. how DARE they steal ANYTHING from this man. but thats another story, this one...it too made me cry. thanks for sharing your love and memories of such a worthy man. my heart still goes out to the family. i hope one day soon closure will come out of all of this. much respect to you miss darcie. xoxoxox <3

  13. Patrice D&#39;Angelo1:19 PM, October 20, 2011

    Isn't that the way it works? So great to have such clear memories of times and people past, but also so painful - because when you remember how great it all was, it seems you miss them so much more . . .

    I get this was especially around holidays, I 'spose many of us do. The traditions and fun things that my family and I would all do together, I still do now - but without the whole "cast of characters", it seems emptier somehow.

  14. This, by far, is one of my favorite posts.

  15. Everything changes. I sometimes drive past my childhood home where I spent the first 22 years of my life. The house, and most of the neighbours', is almost unrecognisable. The people who bought it renovated extensively and even cut down the old cypresses. My avocado tree I planted is still there, though. I remember my gran helped me root it using toothpicks and a jar of water.

    I hope to live in my current home until I die. It's a small wooden cabin on stilts in a remote southern suburb of Cape Town.

    But it burns sometimes that those memories of the past that often we didn't cherish at the time, are the ones that stick with us because there's no going back.

    This is an excellent post. Thank you.

  16. Hi Darcie--

    I had to read this a few times, wipe away the tears, organize my thoughts.
    Like many others, I totally relate to this story. I still live in the same house we moved into back in October 1969, when I was a wee lass of 7. It's a catch-22, still being in the same house. You look for a place to live, hoping to find a safe place, security, some place to 'call home,' and then all of a sudden people start leaving (read: dying), the neighborhood changes, people move away. Some stay, some things don't change. But, for the most part, it's not the same. And all you're left with is memories. It's bittersweet. My dad died in 2004 (on my birthday!), and at times I still think of him sitting in a particular chair, doing certain things. Whether I stay or leave, the memories are still fresh in my mind. The thought of someone else moving in and undoing what we've done....
    I have to echo what was said above. I too have often wondered about Peter's choice of women. I never wanted to say anything because I didn't want to come across as sounding jealous or negative. And it's not meant to insult the good ones (which I think were few and far between), but I think for the most part the women he was with were just using him, taking advantage, just so they could say they spent time with him. No wonder he felt so abandoned and lonely.
    And this business of this 'person' stealing his personal belongings is starting to really piss me off. How low, underhanded and devious. I have seriously thought of looking at Ebay to see if his stuff starts showing up there...
    Karma is sometimes a dirty word, and this person will get what is coming to them.
    Thanks for this, Darcie. I know it hurt to write this, to post it. But know that we here share that pain and grief.
    Much Love & Gratitude--Patty P

  17. When I look back on my life, although I am still pretty young (thirty soon) I have a lot of nostalgic events to remember. Fortunately, for me, the music of type o negative was there for the past 13 years of those memories! Brendan Perry, lead singer of a band Peter claimed to be influenced by, wrote a song called Wintersun last year; about growing older and reflecting. The lyric I enjoy is: "Many days have come and gone since the day I was born. Now the autumn of my life has finally come, with the promise of a winter thaw" . . .I love this song, and that line in particular. It is TRAGIC that Peter died in the (relative)youth of his life; perhaps his 'late summer' . . My heart and thoughts go out to all the Ratajczyk family; you lost a beautiful soul. Peter's memory lives on through all of you and through his fans as well. Thanks for this post; it was very sad; but that's what nostalgia is; 'longing for the past, dreading the future . . .'

  18. I feel your nostalgia. Thank you for posting. I hope you get that picture back too.

  19. what a wonderful post. the picture was so cute.. it is true about how things change,at my age, i am 56 a lot of my family has passed on and the ones remaining are not in too good shape,one of my aunts is 89 and in a nursing home just last year she was driving, one of my cousins has parkinsons he is just 57! the week my aunt went into the home me and my other cousin got to talking about the old times,xmas at my grandmothers and no matter how hard you try to make new traditions etc. its just not the same.we talked about halloween and how we both used to go trick or treating and i think we both had the same costumes me as a witch him as a black cat,until we out grew trick or treating.we talked about my grandmothers house and how we used to bury gi joe behind her porch why? who knows. its really awful about Peters stuff i hope the family gets it back.its like Peter said, the only things that last forever are memories and sorrow.especially as you get older,you have the good memories of your life as a child and the sorrow that they are gone,people you cared for are gone,but one drive past my grandmothers old house and it all comes back.thanks for sharing.

  20. I hope whoever took that photo gets hit by a truck.

  21. What an emotional post – had tears in my eyes while reading - have a heart felt virtual hug – is all that I can say & a quote by the German poet Jean Paul: ‚Die Erinnerung ist das einzige Paradies aus dem wir nicht vertrieben werden können‘ - ‚Memory is the only paradise where no one can banish us‘ . Sometimes it’s just so hard to accept that we cannot turn back time … everything get’s so alive when you share your memories of Nettie, Pete Sr. and Peter *sigh* - see I never been to NY/Brooklyn but from your stories & family pics I have such a clear picture in my mind now – it’s amazing. I love your gesture of placing an egg in the garden for a tall Brooklyn boy …. so lovely & so sad (I had a smile on my face but tears in my eyes when reading it) . All your beloved family members getting so alive with your description of typical behaviour – love the fact that Pete Sr. had a Nettie tattoo. Nostalgic days are hard to get thru but I think they are important for our process of coping with issues but it’s always a pain to see all these places of your childhood with all these memories coming up. Thank you for being so open & sharing these emotions with us & in return I hope it helps to get comments from us and maybe feeling that you are not alone. I know this can never remove your pain and the cruel feeling of missing someone so bad but maybe it helps to know that there’s a legion of people spreaded over the planet that will keep the memory of Peter alive & to know that we all can relate to your feelings. ‚Unsuccessfully coping …‘ is a great song – especially I love the first lines ‚Trust and you’ll be trusted said the liar to the fool‘ … how true! Thx also for posting the video. This picture is so sweet & again it’s heart breaking to hear that Pete’s & Nettie’s favorite photo of this day has ‚dissappeared‘ - to put it quite neutral. It’s really disgusting – but I know time will come and something bad will return to people acting like that.
    Much love & respect
    Have a great weekend, everyone!

  22. Aw man, more of his stuff missing... It is just downright morally reprehensible to take such personal and precious items from his home - things he'd only want his family to have, and who are the only ones who should have the rights to. You gotta ask wtf kind of "people" was he associating with... These people - FRIENDS?! - were clearly trusted enough by Peter for him to allow them into his home, so where is their love and respect for him and what he held dear... have they NO conscience?
    Even IF they didn't know him very well personally, one look at his lyrics clearly demonstrates how major the themes of love, loyalty, trust, the pain of loss, and their associative memories ran so deeply in his heart and psyche.
    It's so apparent that he was not materialistically-minded, but dearly cherished his family-oriented possessions, obviously there's no way he would he have given those things away.
    Sorry for a useless rant, but I'm so sickened and angry thinking of this again... how vulnerable he really may have been to shitty people, despite his intellect. Bright, shining souls attract dark, shadowy ones... charming, selfish, predatory, vampiric bastards, ugh
    I'm a firm believer in the laws of karma, but in this case I just want all of his stuff returned to you, asap.
    Good choice of lyrics for today - very fitting truth and sarcasm (despite the girl theme), that I'm guessing was your intention. Another masterpiece of a song.
    Otherwise, a heart-wrenching yet adorable post, just like the pic... thank you Darcie
    Love and Respect, as always <3

  23. Thank you for sharing this. It was difficult to read, but I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to write it. Some day, the person who took his belongings...their time will come. Take care.


  24. I am a redneck....I volunteer to drive the truck. If someone could help me hose off the orange spray tan???? It's none of my business, but something has been bothering me. Was poor little Tito sick before he passed away? Why didn't anyone care for those helpless cats? Just for that, I'm going to put the truck into reverse and hit her again!!!!!

  25. Thank you so much, Darcie, for sharing this poignant moment with us. Your clarity of vision, beautiful memories and cantankerous sense of humor really shine in this posting.

    The lyrics of Unsuccessfully... are so dead-on true, and so characteristic of Pete. Like Kristen and Patty P, I find it sad that Pete's good nature seemed to have been taken advantage of by the ocasional schemer, but it's common to have a few bad-apples in one's love life and easier to handle if one sees such experiences as tuition payment. After a while, I think Pete saw it that way too. I can imagine his thinking about what the bad-apples had done to maneuver their way into the most advantageous position possible with him, trying to understand what made them tick and why they couldn't just forget the games.
    Glad he at least started off on the right foot with Mardie and ended up in loving, caring relationships toward the end. Seems like the 'tuition' paid itself off in a sense, but he merely broke even rather than finally getting what he wanted. If only he'd had a little more time I think he'd have found his way with that. Life's full of 'if only's'.

    As for the missing photo and other items, it seems like the best strategy would be to offer whomever currently possesses them a way to return them anonymously, and/or no questions asked. If someone confiscated them with good intentions, meaning to return them to the Ratajczyk family, or even if taking them was for selfish reasons but having done so is now causing regret, seeing the possibility of being blamed or treated with hostility would almost undoubtedly prevent such a return from occurring. It may not be easy but better to offer an olive-branch whether it's taken or not than to never do so and forever wonder.

    I echo Sabine's sentiments about memories and the lovely sadness of your gesture of placing an egg in the garden for a tall Brooklyn boy. So many memories, all stirred in one brief moment... The images of Pete Sr. and Nettie, and of Pete, burying those eggs for later use are great, but less striking than the imagined surprise of the trick-or-treaters' faces upon discovering the stinky eggs. Ack! Pete... ever the prankster! I wonder, do the current residents of that house have any knowledge of Pete as the former owner? They're entitled to make it their home now, but will they think of him on ocaision?

    The posted photo is so cool! Darcie, you look very enthusiastic in your Pocahantus/Indian Princess costume, and Pete, being the young gentleman he was, knelt to make it easier to snap the photo. Can't tell if he's dressed as a scarecrow or a hillbilly.

    Glad your life's full of the love and support you needed to do this, Darcie. I encourage you continue to live your uniquely courageous, beautiful life, to love and dream.

    With gratitude,
    Jeanne B

  26. Darcie...
    ....this blog made me cry. In a good way though...

  27. I hope that who ever took that photograph is forever haunted in their dreams and in their daily life. I loved reading this post about Peter and the eggs. He was a kid at heart...

  28. Hi Darcie,

    I just wanted to add that I love this picture and I am sorry those creepy people who stole Peter's stuff while he was dying took that picture that Nettie loved so. I hope they return it and if they don't the Karma cops will get them for sure.
    So sad to not see Peter, Nettie and Petter senior at their old haunts. Time passing and things changing can be hard. I am thankful we had Peter as long as we did and he did have many happy and fun times with his family and friends. Thanks for posting.---Jessica (Black Number 1)