Cut Off From The World

Originally Posted on Peter Steele's 13 Casketcrew FB page

I think you can tell from Peter's Carnivore days that he was a fierce proud American. His father fought in WW2, his uncles in Korea. When American soldiers or National Guardsmen came to see him off stage, he would always salute them, thank them for the amazing service they provide and give them his phone number to call him if they ever needed anything.

In fact, when Peter talked to his sister Patricia about being at ground zero on 9-11, he was horrified for her. Upset that Americans could be attacked on our own soil. Horrified that his brother-in-law was missing for hours and grateful to know that his sister wasn't one of the victims on that sorrowful day.

He was worried too. Worried that WW 3 had started. As the words from his song echoed in his head, he wondered what people of the world could be thinking that they'd allow so much hate for others to dictate their lives and lead them into killing so many innocent people.

Peter's neice Marie remembers the day she thought she lost her mother:

I got a phone call at 8:47am ... It was my mom, Pat. She worked across the street from the World Trade Center. She was standing outside her office building on her cellphone. She asked me, "Is there a ticker tape parade today?" I said, I don't think so, why? "Well," she said, "there are little bit's of paper flying  through the air. It's so strange." I told her I'd turn on the tv and see what's up. Then I'd call her back.

I switched on the news station and I couldn't believe my eyes. The live camera showed a plane hitting the Towers. My heart fell out of my chest. My mom was walking right into disaster and she didn't know it. I tried to call her back, but the call didn't go through. Again, and again I called. Busy. Busy. Busy. I couldn't get through to her. I felt like she was cut off from the world.

Then, it all started. My phone rang. My aunts were calling to see if I heard from my mom. If anyone had heard from my Uncle Robert who worked next to the Towers. Peter called to ask if I heard from my mom or Robert. "I can't get in touch with her, Pete," I told him sobbing. " I don't know where she is." Peter choked back tears and told me to call him as soon as I got word. As I'm writing this, I don't even remember where he was at the time. If he was in town, he would have ran to the towers to find my mother and his brother in law. I felt so alone ... I just sat there and cried.

Thankfully, we found our mother and my uncle Robert eventually got home. But, we know countless people who never made it home. Peter was friendly with numerous cops and firefighters so he has always been thankful for the courage it took to run into the falling towers to try to save people.

It was a horrible, horrendous day. One I never want to relive. One that we can never forget.


  1. The picture of Peter is another reminder of what a beautiful man he was. And I agree to the inscriptions on it. The battle have truly just begun.

    I can only imagine how terrifying 9-11 must have been to your whole family. Peter must have been worried sick, and restless from not being able to help.
    I remember the news on the television about 9-11, I sat frozen infront of it for day´s following the news and hoping that as many people as possible was to be saved. At the time I was studying biology and environmental chemistry at the university and had a really hard time focusing on my studying when lot´s and lot´s of people were affected by terrorizm.
    I was also hoping that Peter or any of you in his family were nowhere near to be injured or killed by this act of terror. I am so happy to read that Maries mother and father(?) came safely home from it.

    Lot´s of hugs from me to all of you

  2. Sitting here reading this teary-eyed.. thanks so much for sharing.. much love to the family xo

  3. I'm happy that your mom and uncle made it home safely. That day is a day that no one will ever forget. very tragic and my heart aches for all those who have lost the ones they love on 9/11. Every time i see the video's it overwhelms me with such devastation. Thank you for sharing..I'm sure if peter was there he would have gone down to make sure your mom and your uncle were safe. :)

  4. I cant imagine what you must have felt. Not being able to contact someone you love and thinking they could be dead or in a situation that they might die if they cant get help. The waiting must feel like eternity. Thank god they were okay. The people who got phone calls from their loved ones saying they dont think they are going to get out of the building and saying their last goodbyes..that would haunt me forever. The physical and emotional turmoil of not being able to do anything, I dont even know what words to use about that. Unfortunately we are an extremely fucked up life form and I doubt things will change, the hate is always going to be here. What I hope for the future is that the unity people have felt since this tradgedy continues and people keep helping each other in all situations.
    On a lighter note..if everyone listened to Peters emotional soulful music, I am sure we would all get along better. Sonic Therapy for all.

  5. What a horrible day for you and your family. This past 10 year anniversary must have brought it all back for you with all the publicity going on. Thank goodness your loved ones were all safe. My brother in law worked for Marsh McClennan at the time and had a running meeting every Tuesday at 9am the World Trade Center. It was resceduled but his wife didn't know and for 6 hours we waited for his call telling us he was alive! So like so many others I to shared your mental anquish of waiting for word. :( Let's hope we never again have to wait and wonder. Peace.

  6. It's 10 years ago but everytime I see those pics it's just horrible - imagening all these people - it's almost impossible to imagine .. Marie - I am so glad to hear that your mum & dad (?) made it safe back home but the time in between when you can't reach anyone and you don't know what has happened - OMG waiting must have seemed like an eternity - and Pete - he must have been so restless knowing about this and then you are not able to do anything .. I will always remember this day - coming home from work, getting a phone call from a friend, switching on TV & being paralyzed and I could not believe what I saw - still I find it hard to see all these pics & all these innocent people, lifes, tragedies .. truly terrible - a day that we all will remember for a lifetime and my heart goes out to all the families that have lost loved ones on this sad day ...
    Sometimes I am getting quite misanthrope when seeing what is going on daily but sometimes I also have a spark of hope when I experience at least in my inner circle that people try to help each other and try to be there for one another - it's rare but sometimes it's there and that counts also to me.
    I agree with Gayle - sonic therapy for all - the best form of therapy I have discovered so far
    Take care - much love & respect to all of you
    P.S. Thx for the beautiful pic - love it.

  7. Thank you for this story. I can't even imagine the emotions you guys were going thru at that time. I know how helpless and devastated I felt sitting there watching the t.v. knowing we were unable to help anyone. Seeing the injured, scared, lost faces trying to make it out of or away from those towers and not knowing where their friends or family were or if they made it out of those buildings or not is an image burned into my mind that will never go away. Thank God Patricia and Robert were okay. And thank God for the men and women who continue to fight and die for our freedom and protection! xoxoxo

  8. Thanks for sharing. Glad to hear everyone in your family was okay in the midst of all that choas, hard to believe it's been 10 years! I would like to end with this...TOLERANCE=PEACE!!! (-)

  9. Marie,
    I am really happy to hear your mom and uncle made it out of there ok. How horrifying! I watched the towers struck live on TV from Westchester. I worked at a historic mansion that had a tower overviewing the Hudson down to the city. When I got to work that day I climbed the stairs to see Manhattan and all I could see in the distance was a large black cloud of smoke. My husband, then boyfriend was living in Brooklyn at the time and watched the building come down from his roof top. He saw things he still can't speak about. After 9/11 we went to a NY Type O show. Peter had on a red shirt with military thing on it. He joked about how the band would be touring caves in Afghanistan to find bin laden. His tone was not very funny about this topic when he made that comment and we thought for that show his stage presence was different and a little bit more serious. We also thought at the time how weird it was that World Coming Down came out shortly before 9/11 with a faded picture of the Brooklyn Bridge and part of the towers. I am sure Peter thought that was erie to say the least. Did he ever mention this to anyone?
    ----Jessica (Black Number 1)

  10. Hi Marie/Darcie--

    Thanks for sharing this. I can understand, in my own way, what you went through. While 9/11 seems like yesterday there are bits here and there that are a blur.
    Like Marie, I had no idea what was happening when the DJ on the radio very calmly said "A second plane has just hit the Twin Towers." I went and turned the TV on and saw two buildings billowing with smoke. At the time my sister worked in Manhattan; I'm not sure where, but I think she was about four blocks from the buildings. At first nobody could reach her, either on the (company) landline or her cell phone. Calls went back and forth; no one had heard from her. Finally, I think she got through to her boyfriend, saying she was okay. But she couldn't get out of the City because Metro North had shut down all the trains. Her boyfriend had to go into the City to get her, which was a feat, and I don't remember how he did it, because by then anybody and everybody was trying to get out of the City, and nobody was being let in. Eventually he did get her and I think they got home around 7:00 PM. A nerve-wracking and harrowing day for sure, one that I and MANY, MANY people will and never should forget. At least our family members made it home. Too many others weren't so lucky.
    I don't mean to take away from what you went through, Marie, but I can relate to the anxiety you felt that day. Hopefully it's not something any of us will have to live through again. Thanks again for sharing.
    Love & Gratitude--Patty P
    P.S.--This is one of my favorite pics of Peter--he seems deep in thought.

  11. I also agree with Jessica D. that the World Coming Down Cover/albumn was very eerie because it came out just before 9/11. I remember I thought the same thing as her. I am also curious what Peter thought about that & if he spoke to any family members about it? Maybe he really was a prophet of Doom (or just a little bit psychic)? Weird coincidence, in the very least.

    Just a horrible day, wish it never happened & wish we never have to see/live something like that again (Let's just keep hoping).

    All the best.

  12. Again, another incredibly beautiful photo of Pete, and the quote is very appropriate... You put that up to comfort us on a hard day, didn't you? How kind!
    Thanks so much, Marie, for sharing your experience with us and giving us an idea of what Pete's reaction was to it all. Brigett's use of the word 'helpless' says it all. Can't imagine what it would be like to deal with a loved one's sudden lack of communication under those circumstances from far away. It had to be heart-wrenching and Pete must've been trying very hard to stay strong for his family at that moment.
    I am also thankful to our military personnel for their bravery and fortitude. Many of them are basically scared young adults in unthinkable circumstances, just trying to cope. They deserve our respect.
    There are times when I think back to 9/11/01 and try to understand why. Still mulling over the footage, the unignited thermite particles in the debris, what US architects are saying about that, and all the implications involved. But it seems more important to understand what lead the people involved to hate so much and to believe they'd be greatly rewarded for committing such an act.
    Wish the world didn't need armies, but that's a far away dream. Glad all of you survived that terrible day and I hope the future will bring a more civilized world with a little more empathy, tolerance and compassion.

    ...with gratitude...

  13. what a horrible feeling that must have been.i was at work in a factory and really did not get much info until they sent us home and i turned on the news. my mother was on her way to a friends house and she could not understand why she saw a plane flying so low,we live south of boston,ma. so she must have seen the plane that left from boston. my son lived in new york for a few years and he lost friends in the towers.it is still hard to believe this could happen here. just glad your family members were alright.horrible day.the town my mother lives in acushnet,ma.just put up a beautiful memorial made out of a piece of steel from one of the towers. the inscription on the etched glass explains how it points in the direction of its home,NYC because of the angle it is at.

  14. I never want to relive that day again. On the other hand, I can't, and won't forget it either. I'm glad I'm not alone in that sentiment. I was working @ Lincoln Center for the Philharmonic at that time, I had the day off b/c of a follow up dr's visit @ Coney Island Hospital. I called my boss from the hospital b/c she always got in at 8am. When I got to the hospital they sent me home b/c they were waiting for-I still can't say it. I'll just say they went from rescue to..I was living in Bay Ridge on 92nd st. The only bridge open was the VZ. It was insane. I ended up parking about ten blocks from my apartment, when I got home I called my family that was out of state. They had not seen the news yet b/c of time zones. I told them I was okay and then I stayed home and waited like everybody else.

    What I remember most about that day is the silence- I have never heard, nor ever will, a time of such silence as there was then. I'm a healer of spirit, and while healing, in it's symbolic, artistic, and physical forms is so important, this Sunday all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and stay there. I'm glad the memorial happened, I'm glad and proud of our firefighters-how many funerals afterward-and I spent a lot of time on the front lines in the healing business,writing, working, doing what little I could-unbelievable-but for some reason on this 10th anniversary I found I could just not relive that day again. I am honored that your family, Darcie, and Marie, have chosen to share your story. Your family is always in my heart and prayers. I am so glad that your ordeal of waiting had a good conclusion. Thank you again for keeping this forum open. It honors Peter's life and legacy.
    In Sacred Space,
    Leslie R. Marini.

  15. I'm an old friend of Peter's. I left New York a few months before 9-11. Thank you for sharing the family's experience that day. I wondered how Peter's family and friends were through that experience. When we did dinner together, often his friend Paul that worked for Playboy in the city would join us. Do you know if he survived 9-11?

    Thank you for opening your heart's as an extention of Peter through this blog. It keeps him alive in so many ways.

    Katie Mills Cashman

  16. ...Wow--so many reactions to 9/11. I'm not surprised,really. I think all of us here feel this is one place we can vent our anger/grief/joy and feel comfortable and accepted doing so.
    ...To echo what Leslie said, I can relate to your wanting to "crawl back into bed." I noticed that--for me, anyway--that day seemed to drag, and I also felt very anxious. Strange.
    Thanks again for everything--Patty P

  17. The morning of 9/11/01 my company's CEO hearded everyone into two areas with TV's. We saw the first building already impacted, then watched mortified as the second plane hit. I remained silent, but felt what was about to happen and heard the voices of thousands in my mind. A co-worker next to me expressed sadness for the terrible fate of people killed by the planes but stated he was impressed by the "American Ingenuity at work" as the buildings remained standing. I looked at him expressionless, told him that wasn't how it was going down, and those people needed to get out of there fast. He doubted me, asking how I knew. I looked into his eyes and said, "Because I can see it ...them. I can hear 'em and I know. Those buildings are going down. They need to get out and I mean now." ...walked quietly to my desk, stared at nothing, alone. He said from the doorway, "You're wrong. They'll stand. Those buildings are engineered to take anything." I said, "I'm not wrong. They're goin' down, Jon, and nothing will stop it." I turned away, called family and left, drove to my nearby home to stay in the basement with the cat, not knowing if it was merely a first-strike. Watched from the corner woodshop area TV as the buildings collapsed. Called friends while bringing down cat-food, water, supplies and a mattress. Put a hatchet, ladder and crowbar near the steps and continued to watch and wait for the rest of the day, venturing upstairs only briefly.

    I showed up on time for work the next morning. Jon didn't speak to me for two weeks.

  18. Is hard to imagine that so many people went through a horrendous time on that day. I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now and though I'm busy sometimes, every day I try to read at least one or two posts, it feels so heartwarming to know that Pete has such an amazingly loving and supportive family, unlike lots of people that not only today but even 40 years ago had dysfunctional family issues.
    I feel enormously glad to know you didn't have to go through an awful loss related with that sad day 12 years ago, although he was really strong, it would've affected Peter a lot.
    I hope you're all doing fine and rejoice the fact that you had nothing too serious to worry about on that day.
    Big hug for all of you Ratajczyk family and thank you for this amazing blog.