Too Late for Apologies

Pete relaxing on floor next to bar at L'Amours Rock club, Brooklyn 1986

I have a couple of regrets when it comes to Peter.

One: I wish I had taken him up on his countless offers to go on tour with him. Especially when he formed TON, he would be getting ready for a tour. He'd ask me, my cousin Nancy and her daughter Siobhan if we wanted to go with him for a few months to Europe on tour. Because of my career schedule, I was never able to do it. THAT would have been an amazing memory ... traveling with the guys ... seeing the music business up close and personal.

Two: That I didn't get to see Peter the last time he played in NY area. I was on a tour with client and unable to get any free nights to see Pete when he was in town. I heard it was a great tour -- with him sober and the band tight -- and I wish I could have predicted it was the last time seeing him live. PS: I'd love to hear more from people who have seen Peter during this time. Peter's ex GF Summer told me Peter looked fantastic and sounded amazing at the show she saw him. My mom and Cathy said the same.

Pete and I behind Aunt Nancy's Summer house on Clam Island 1975
(which I believe is off-shore of Connecticut)
Peter is 13 yo & I am 7 yo

However, I thought I'd share with you what it was like seeing Peter live -- for those of you who never went to a concert. Probably my favorite venues were Hammerstein Ballroom and Roseland because one of these venues had two stages. One where the band played and the other stage (almost like a balcony) where VIP sat, about a six feet above the crowd.

When Peter knew he was playing at a venue in the city, he would leave the info with his mother and then call the sisters to get a head count of who wanted to come to the show. We were all guaranteed a VIP seat if we wanted and of course, Pete would invite us backstage before and after the show so we could give him well wishes and congrats.

Sitting on the balcony stage was the best. You had superior access to seeing the stage and you were high enough to see the mosh pit -- which always intrigued me. When I asked Peter one time (when I was 16 yo) if girls did the mosh pit, he said yes, but there was an excellent chance I'd get hurt or abused. He also said if he saw me there he'd have to jump off the stage and kill people if they hurt me. He wouldn't allow it and I never asked again.

During Carnivore shows, Pete would throw bloody animal parts into the audience, which in turn, would cause a blood bath between the fans. People would be slipping around in the blood on the floor. They'd be throwing pig and cow organs at each other. After a couple of shows, that end-of-the-show favor ended.

TON shows were mostly about the toilet paper exchange. After a few rounds of fan chants of "YOU SUCK," Pete would pull out the toilet paper rolls and start flinging them into the audience, and the fight would begin. Fans would throw them back - causing the streamer effect - trying to hit Peter or the other guys in the face. They'd do the same back at the fans untill the entire place was filled with unrolled toilet paper. Then the lights would come up and it was over.

Note to readers: If you find a video of the toilet paper roll wars from TON's live performances, please let me know.

A big thanks to Leah E. for suggesting this video. It's a fantastic live version of my favorite song, Too Late/Frozen.


  1. Darcie, you had and have a deep connection,and his death will not cut it! For none of your family , and his closest friends.
    TON concerts were the only ones where I did not need glasses to see what was happening on stage! I always had an unobstructed view of Peter Steele.

  2. I saw TON back in 2003 during the Life is Killing Me Tour. I think the police were the ones that interrupted the show midway, because Peter stopped for a few minutes, handled some business, and then resumed. It was still a great show. Afterwards, I only was able to meet Johnny because no one else would come outside and Peter left in someone's tiny car.

    According to what you're saying, the Austin, TX show was dull compared to the NY ones. But I suppose we have video to enjoy. Peace to you guys - Carrie

  3. Ah regrets. I have lots of them when it comes to Peter and TON. I wish I was introduced to their music earlier. I wish I went to more concerts. I wish that I went to Duffs to try to see if I could meet him in person. ( I live in MA but lived in NY for a time. I wish he got medical help as soon as he became ill, maybe he would still be here. I wish that I could have met him,and perhaps helped him with his issues and protected him from all the bad that was in his life. But as soon as I get to know TON and Peter, and see how wonderful and talented a person he/they were, he was gone.

  4. I have so many great memories of seeing Type O live! I was lucky enough to see Peter's last ever performance; though no one knew it at the time. It was in Detroit; and the band sounded good. Peter looked and sounded better than he had in a long time. He was drinking Gatorade and seemed very sober. He looked happy! Of course there were the ubiquitous chants of "YOU SUCK!" but i just couldn't do them. It had been 3 years since I'd seen them play, and I just really wanted to enjoy the show . .and I did. I miss Peter everyday and have no doubt of the impact he had on the world. His influence will last a long time . .

  5. This is a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing :)

  6. I caught TON live in San Francisco back in...04? 05? My memory sucks. I was one of the girls in the mosh pit, and being only 5 foot 4, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to see the band when they finally took the stage, lost in a sea of tall people as I was.

    But then Peter walked out and oh man... My first thought was literally "Dear God he's HUGE!" And then I stood there with my mouth hanging open for at least the first three songs. I couldn't get over what a massive presence he had, and it wasn't entirely physical. He resonated. He filled that venue with electricity. It was like being in the presence of a demigod, I kid you not.

    I'm not sure how it's possible to miss someone that you never knew, but I do. Terribly.

  7. Regrets are the hardest thing to bear. Be at peace knowing how important you were in his life, so much so that he invited you on tour with him and that he connected with you whenever he had the chance. He probably was so proud of you and understood when you weren't able to go. Also, what a gift that he became sober if only for a short time. To have that clarity back in his life and be able to perform that way. How amazing he must have felt on that last tour. I like you regret that I wasn't able to see that. But seeing him the times when I did was so awesome(wasted or not) that I will have those memories forever. Peace to you.

  8. Since you asked for news of that last tour..and you don't have to post this if you don't wish..I'm a long time fan from MA,and usually got tickets to 2 or 3 shows each tour. In recent years I'd had chances to speak with Pete at signings and such,but since I was caring for my ex who was dying of alchoholism,and realized seeing Pete when he was drinking would be too sad,I did not,tho I always exchanged a big smile and hello with Kenny. This last tour I simply kept running into Pete,and was delited to find him sober,clear,and friendly as ever. In Hartford I saw him outside after the show;I called to him 'thanks again Pete!' and he came over,threw open his arms and gave me a big hug and a kiss,and I told him 'you keep takin care of you!' I'm so glad I had those last visits,they helped my heart,and I'll always remember..Sue

  9. Hi Darcie,

    I saw TON on October 23rd 2009 at Crocodile Rock Cafe in Allentown PA.. Peter looked GREAT & he and the band sounded tight as ever. Though everytime I seen them over the past 13 yrs they sounded amazaing. But that show was one of their BEST. Little did I know it would be the last show I would ever see. If I would have known I would have stuck around afterwards, instead of leaving because of work the next morning.

    Much love to you and your family!

  10. We always have regrets of missed opportunities, especially when it involves someone's death. It would have been so cool to go with Peter on tour, but life gets in the way of lots of things we would like to do. Once again..it is beautiful that Peter always looked after his family at his shows and that you all supported him by being there. Darcie, what you are doing for Peter now is amazing. The only footage I have seen is Pantera and the toilet paper on TON's After Dark dvd.

  11. Love the picture at the top, it really shows the glamourous side of rock and roll, lol. I never got to see them live and believe me I regret that everyday now! I have really enjoyed these live clips though and others I've found on youtube. I think a dvd of live performances from the Carnivore days on through Type O Negative would be something great for the fans to have, just throwing that out there! Thanks once again. (-)

  12. wish I'd seen Wacken 2007 ...

  13. Deborah Fischer2:08 PM, June 28, 2011

    thank you for sharing your feelings with us

    i regret never being able to get to see TON live and talk to Pete. he seemed such a fantastic person to have a chat with!

  14. Thank you Darcie for this great story - since never having been able to see any Carnivore or TON live performance (which I regret daily - believe me)it was so great to read what you have experienced. I understand your regrets well but you are doing so much for Peter now - it is incredible. Life's ways can be so strange sometimes . The picture at the summer house is lovely - guess many beautiful memories are related to this place.
    To all the posts about TON performances - thank you so much - it is great to read how amazing it was (which I only know from videos) and it is so good to read that Peter was sober and doing fine again - for sure this was an amazing experience for him too. It was so good to read this.

  15. Ya'll looked like brother and sister!! Fabulous pictures. I hate the guilt we all feel when someone we love dies. Just remember honey, the love he feels for you is not "past tense" just because he died. He STILL loves you and he doesn't want any of you ladies to regret anything. You were there when time allowed and he knows this. Watch all these videos and let yourself be in the moment. xo

  16. As always thanks for sharing! We love reading about Peter's life. What a cute picture of you two! Cool story as well. Here is a link for a great clip of a halloween show in Philly with LOTS of toilet paper. My husband and I always loved the toilet paper throwing but this one is really great because Peter throws an entire box of it into the crowd as they cheer! Enjoy---Jessica (Black Number 1)

    p.w. charmin

  17. I regret that I was not exposed to TON sooner than I was. I saw them in Atlanta on 10/27/09. I was off work the next day & my husband wasn't (we live about 2 1/2 hours from Atlanta) and I wanted to stay and do whatever it took to meet Peter, and he wanted to get back home. Being how we're both incredibly strong willed it turned into an argument. He threatened to leave me and I said please do i'll find a ride home, which made it worse. We eventually left and I never got to meet anyone. It took over a year after that for him to apologize to me for not staying, he knew how bad I wanted to meet Peter. Anyways- they did awesome & Peter sounded great. I am thankful that I at least got to see them once. I have some of it on video, I need to try to upload some. of it.

  18. I too have regrets. Every time I saw Pete/Type O was AMAZING for me. It had been many years since I had seen TON as they stopped touring in Canada. I managed to make two road trips out with a friend to see TON in 2007 and I was so happy to be there. I wanted to go to the last tour,but couldn't make it out...ahh "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". I regret not being able to see Pete one last time.

    I think about him everyday. I just have to say: What a wonderful man he was! There will never be another like him ever! God really did break the mold with him.

    Thank You to the family for sharing all these stories with us. I always knew this is what Pete would be like as he shared so much of himself and his soul with us through his music; but, it's great to finally have all my suspicions confirmed. He really was a Green Man...a jolly green giant!
    Much Love xoxo

  19. P. S. Your welcome (for the video suggestion). Thanks again for sharing your memories and pictures!

  20. That photo of the two of you is priceless and what you and your family are doing, Darcie, is unprecedented and admirable.
    It's easy to see fans as a massive army of people, all of whom want something. I'm glad you see Pete's fans for what we are, a massive army of people who want to offer support and understanding, to give something back. We're the secret weapon rather than the enemy.
    Regrets are hard to live with, but try to realize that Pete wanted you to pursue your dreams and ambitions too. It's great that he felt so close to you and invited you on that European tour, and it would have been a fantastic adventure. Perhaps one day you'll go on your own tour and see the cities on that schedule. I hope so, and I hope the knowledge that he'd understood at the time and his spirit can be there for you whenever you need him will offer you solice. When your uncle Pete was alive I'm sure he wanted you to live your life well and fully, and to find your own way, to live out your dreams. He didn't seem like the kind of person who'd allow his absence to change that back then or now.

  21. I regret not having been able to go see them more than I did, but am grateful for the chances I did get to talk to him. No matter how he was feeling, he always stopped to say hi and take a photo or sign something.

  22. As a girl in the pit at L'Amours circa 90-91 at 16/17 I can tell you it was awesome and scarey at the same time. I only did it a few times if it got too crazy I got out right away. You do get felt up a lot and if anyone tries to hurt a girl back then a "John Wayne" would usually step in and pulverize the culprit. I got a few bruises but mostly just felt up. You should have tried it when he wasn't there for fun! The skinheads tended to get out of control and I usually didn't try it when there were too many of them around.

  23. I regret that I didn't discover Type O Negative or Peter Steele until now. He seemed like a truly awesome person and I'm sad I'll never get the chance to see him in concert. Thank you so much for setting up this site.

  24. I saw them on his last tour in Allentown PA, on 10/23/09; the previous time I saw him was at the same venue. Backstage at that previous show in '08, he wasn't exactly sober, but seeing him in '09 was a stark and very positive contrast. You could tell that he was stone sober and focused at that last show; it was great getting to see the old Pete again.