Peter's Cookie Jar Surprise Just For Me

There is a 'sweets-loving trait"  that went down the family's genetic code from Nettie and Pete Sr, through most of the girls and down to Pete. Most of them hid their candy or sweet snacks from each other in the strangest places. Nettie was notorious for stashing Entenmann's Crumb Cake in every room, with a knife for easy slicing. She'd sweep the floor in the front bedroom, open up the closet and cut herself a piece of crumb cake. Then, later that day, she'd be polishing the wood in the parlor (as she called it), open a draw, and cut herself a piece of crumb cake. Pete Sr. also stashed chocolate bars behind the bookcase (0'Henry bars) and enjoyed a good read and a treat every nite at bedtime. Peter too would do the same. Since he was tall, he'd make his favorite cookies and then hide them on top of the fridge, behind a vase of flowers, because he was the only one who could reach it.

From Pete's niece, Marie:

In our family, no one ever makes cakes or cookies from a box -  we are food snobs -- we make everything from scratch. And Peter would make the best homemade Oatmeal Cookies.( A recipe handed down from his sister Nancy) Peter's cookies were slammin!  Peter would make these cookies weekly, share a couple with whomever was around, put them in a tin box he kept and then hid them up ontop of the fridge. When he went to band practice, I'd sneak over, get the footstool and a box, climb up and eat a few of his cookies. I was about 8 or 10 years old

Peter would come back from practice, grab a carton of milk, open his box of cookies and then notice that some were missing. He'd scream to his mom that someone was stealing his food. So, he started counting them. He changed his hiding spot a couple of times, but because I was the "baby of the family" he never noticed me stalking him. I knew all his hiding spots --even on top of a ledge in the doorway going out to the backyard -- in the green canister.

One day I finally got the whole canister to myself. I figured out how to climb on top of the table, hold onto the curtains, and grab the canister. I ran down the hallway and sat there and ate every single cookie,crumb,morsel that was in there. ( I felt like I was gonna vomit...but it was worth it).

Later on ,Peter came home from work, and went straight to his cookie jar. I was watching from behind the door when he started screaming, "MOMMA .. SHE DID IT AGAIN ... SHE FOUND MY COOKIES AND ATE THEM ALL" Pete sees me giggling and starts chasing me around the house like a nut. He chased me out of the house. I was scared shit.

An hour later, I snuck back into the house and Pete was making another batch of cookies. I went over to him slowly and said I was sorry for eating his cookies. He said it was ok, and asked me to grab a chair so we could talk. He told me to make sure I asked for cookies and he'll give me whatever I wanted. Then he tells me that my grandmother left me some cookies in the jar on the table and that he was sure I was going to like them.

My thought was "Wow, I can't believe I'm not in trouble. I can't believe Pete is being so nice to me." I reached for the jar, opened it and a huge stinky, smelly FART wafted out of the jar. It was a stink bomb. Peter had somehow captured a fart and left it waiting for me. I think I fell off the chair it was so disgusting and unexpected. And he just laughed and laughed, sitting there eating his oatmeal cookies while I ran from the table. 

I never really looked at Oatmeal cookies the same ever again ...


  1. Hahahaha AWESOME story!!!! Love this!!!

  2. Thats hilarious....LMAO. Great story thank you for sharing. :) LMAO



  4. ok...now i was sure i had heard the funniest story yet with the one him driving you all around and growling at guidos and such,but this marie takes the friggin cake,er oatmeal cookie i guess i should say!i literally laughed outloud! my youngest just came to the desk and asked what was wrong because i never laugh outloud like that lol.thank you for that day making story!...and peter,you have the most wonderful family on earth! great story! i live for these!
    -erik hernandez-

  5. OHHHHHH!!! ROFLMAO!!! You guys need to write a book!! this shit is hilarious!!! Makes my day EVERY TIME!!!

  6. hilarious story and boy, do I sympathise with Pete's outrage! Nothing worse than anticipating a treat at the end of a long day and then ... CRUMBS! ahahahahahah I am the only one in my family with the sweets-loving gene so I never had to do any hiding but then again, could never rely on my parents to understand my passion for baking and all things chocolate. I can only imagine that, to sate his appetite, Pete's batches of cookies must have been huge! And you were very resourceful marie, I guess you deserved every crumb you worked so hard to snatch.
    Thanks for sharing these wonderful memories of your wonderful family.

  7. Now that is one of the funniest tales I've ever heard. I told my hubby and we both sat here killing our selves. In my mind I could see this wonderful gentle giant killing himself whilst the gross bottom gas floats into Marie's face which then turns a green colour. Thanks for this wonderful memory. As for the book idea I'd certainly buy at least one.

  8. OMG I nearly pissed myself laughing at this one!!! You little minx Marie stealing Pete's beloved cookies....but a fart in a jar...oh man!!!

  9. I really am Laughing Out Loud! ;-) ~Carrie Schwarz

  10. Deborah Fischer4:08 PM, May 17, 2011

    so funny ! thanks for sharing !

  11. tara st. Ellen4:46 PM, May 17, 2011

    truth is he did all these pranks and more, so funny about nothing....thats why we all loved Peter and his sense of humor whether at the family dinner table or telling a joke, he is so missed not only for his talent but for what he gave to all of us, I loved his way of dealing with life and using humor to mitigate the drama and circumvent laughter in all of us. Please remember the fun always....

  12. I have to stop reading these at work (I'm a teacher's aide) because while the kids were testing, I read this and almost peed myself trying to hold in the laughter. I empathize with Pete because I'd hide my candies and cookies from my 6 siblings and they'd always find them.

  13. Kristjan Fenrir6:51 PM, May 17, 2011

    This is so hilarious!

  14. Can we have the recipe for Pete's Oatmeal Cookies? Pretty please?

  15. I have to be honest about the cookie recipe. It was taken from a Quakers Oats canister top back in the early 1970s. Quaker Oats has changed the recipe drastically since then (and they added -- yuk -- raisins to it). If you can dig through your parents' recipes they might have the old Oatmeal recipe. To be honest, I'd have to go through my Aunt Nan's recipes (or now her daughter Nan) to try to find the original. I'll look, I promise... maybe I'll put it in the "Peter Steele Cookbook" complete with a section on "how to jar farts."

  16. yeah raisins are bad for your teeth

  17. What a good way to resolve a problem you're having with someone. Much better than getting angry. Sounds like there was never a dull moment in the Ratajczyk home. Because Peter was the youngest and only boy he probably got away with sooo much by giving Nettie a cheeky grin. Even though Nettie was his mum, she also would have been under the spell he put on all of us.

  18. I have the old 70's recipe. I use it all the time for my kids. I inherited it along with the rest of my grandma's recipes. I'm constantly using her old recipes. they're the best ones to have.

  19. Bonnie, my 5 year old, finds this story hilarious! Thanks for sharing, I hope she doesn't use this story for show and tell time at school!

  20. Dammit, ever since reading this I've been craving Entenmann's crumb cake. Dammit!

  21. Oh wow...how I loved reading that story Marie!!! Loved the fact that you used to 'snag' Pete's cookies when he wasn't home. Makes me think of the stuff I used to do to my brother when he wasn't home. I didn't steal any of his cookies..but I used to break into his locked room and stretch the springs of his baseball Bobble Heads! HA! My brother was really big too and he would catch me and squeeze me between his big legs until I couldn't hardly breath! Would love the recipe too!

  22. I'm thinking this might be the recipe (this is the one that was first put on the Quaker oatmeal boxes in 1955 before they added raisins.) If you don't have shortening you can substitute butter and it will still work.

    Quaker Famous Oatmeal Cookies Recipe

    3/4 c shortening
    1 c firmly packed brown sugar
    1/2 c sugar
    1 egg
    1/4 c water
    1 tsp vanilla
    1 c all purpose flour
    1 tsp salt
    1/2 tsp baking soda
    3 c uncooked Quaker Old Fashioned Oats

    Beat shortening, both sugars, egg, water, and vanilla together until creamy.
    Stir in dry ingredients except the oats. Mix well.
    Stir in oats and optional ingredients if you are using them
    Drop by tsp on greased cookie sheet or silpat
    Bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes. Do NOT overbake.
    Let cool a few minutes on the cookie sheet before removing to cool completely.
    Yield:5 dozen cookies

  23. Thanks for posting the recipe. This could be it. I will say that the 1970s recipe was a little sweeter than it's 1980s counterpart. 1990s they added raisins. The only thing that makes me think this isn't the 70s recipe is the mention of the "silpat" which I don't believe was invented in the 70s. But, hey, I promise I'll look for the recipe and we can compare notes.