A big thanks to Mary Wolfe
I can't decide which picture I like best ...
Your Thoughts?
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A Big Thank You to another Special American Friend
Who Graciously Shared This With Us and the Family
Thank YOU Miss M:
I had a terrible childhood and really clung to music to make it through. And the 13 year old version of myself was absolutely besotted with Peter Steele. I remember when October Rust came out - me and a friend of mine sat in her room listening to it all the way through - giggling and bouncing like two teenagers in the front row of a rock concert. Life was really hard for me, and although he never knew it, Peter and I made it through that together. (And by Peter - I really mean his ideas and voice, I never actually met Peter.)
Time went on ... I got older - as did Peter. Music became less of a crutch then it had been when I was younger. Then Peter dissapeared off the face of the planet for a while, so I lost touch with my former love of Type O. (Still listened to Type O when I could, but between raising kids and going to school, there wasn't a lot of time for any of that.) Some years later I did a google search on Peter and found videos of a much older, very different looking Peter. ... I looked into his situation further and realised he had been sober for some time after a long battle with it. He had become a much more tolerant person, he had pulled himself into sobriety out of the pits of hell - not to mention that it was appropriate that Peter should age, because he was in fact *getting older*. Not only that, but the internet has been full of interviews where Peter takes responsibility for his shortcommings and the harm that has done others - in other words - he had matured into a much more honourable human being. I always thought Peter was likeable, but I was really excited to see that as he had gotten older, that had become much more true!!!
As far as I have been concerned, at the age of near-50 - Peter Steele never looked better. I genuinelly looked forward to more of hearing what Peter had to say as he continued to age and mature. I really believed in him, as I always did. When I listened to his music, it always felt like he believed in me. (As he generally did of all my generation.)
I have had many life goals, and achieved much of them. One that I sincerely wanted though was to meet him. I wanted to thank him and his bandmates for the contribution they had made to my life. When he died, it immediately occured to me that this was someone's son, someone's sibling, but that sadly he would never be someone's Dad. It had become irrelevant that he was a rock icon. When someone dies, all the superficial stuff gets lost in the seriousness of that. So I don't want to belittle how much more important his family is in all of this then his fans. But can I just say - that although I had never met Peter, I felt genuine mourning. I've even cried a few times (though I'd dare not let anyone in my household know that.) I have felt silly for it. I never met him - he's just been some posters on my teenage wall. But yet, I definitely feel hurt about it. I had followed Peter's story for over half of my life, he was so deeply embedded in my make up. Although I hadn't listened to Type O very much for years, I suddenly felt a little lost without the possibility of more of it in future.
So when I came to your blog, I experienced something really great. I got to hear all these real stories of Peter, and see that there were countless others who appreciated him for what he was at the time of his death, that I wasn't the only one who thought he was beautiful, perhaps more so, in his older age. That others felt the same sense of loss despite not ever knowing him. That his family was real, and most importantly, ok. I feel like I had caged in this big sense of loss and that upon reading your blog, I was allowed to have feelings about it. That the family had given their ok for that. It means an enormous amount and I feel like I can now allow myself that and then, let it go.
It's been a truly great ride Peter Steele, and since I never get to say that to you, it's wonderful that I can say that to your family.
*~*~*~*~*
Interview from a French show ... a little short, but very clear:
Biohazard's Evan Seinfeld's Interview with TON:
I really like the top one ..yeah,definatly the top one he was more a cat lover.it fits perfectly for Peter.
ReplyDeleteI have to say me too on not knowing Peter like his family and close friends did..wish I could have gotten to know him but he passed before I could maybe get a chance to. still feel bad about that.theres a few things that Peter and I had in common..one was being born in January and dealing with depression and bi polar. also is learning he also didnt go out much when he was home and didnt like being the center of attention kinds of things that is so me..a few blogs Ive been like,that sounds like me also. bet Peter was very stubborn about some things too. as I am at certain things and I also notice ya had on a later blog his interest and one of them was asbergers I believe or autism??..one of those well that runs in my family...my son has asbergers and I was also tested for it.depression and bi polar runs in our family on both sides along with other things but when I have been watching all the interviews and reading stuff I was like me too on some of what Peter was talking about dealing with.can relate to some of the family things too..like having a little brother..so can relate to the stuff ya girls had to go through..least Peter didnt shoot you in your buttcheek with a dart needle..in which my brother did to me once..lol hurt like a mother too..lol.think all of Michigan heard me screaming..lol.
anyways thanks for this blog it helps to know that were not alone out there in this big ol planet.and that alot deal with some of the same things as others do.sometimes it can be a bit of a small world after all in things like that.
hope everybody takes care and know that you all are being thought of over there.Peter is still very missed. and just heard a bit ago that we lost another to what they think was drugs and alcohol or a suicide but they dont really know yet..and dont know if ya all heard it yet either but Jani Lane of Warrant passed away on thursday..they found him in a motel room unresponsive and he later passed. cant believe we have lost another. ughhhh.
anyways hope everybody stays safe and alive..love your loved ones as much as ya can.
until the next blog..have a good weekend and as always take care.
Don't know if the same person did the pictures and the story! The names are Mary and Miss M? I love the pictures. The wolf and cat have such wise looks on their faces and I love the backgrounds. Very well done. I like the photo of Peter in the cat picture much better,so its my favorite.
ReplyDeleteMiss M, so much you said is true for alot of us. Music have saved me from when I was a small child also. I agree that this blog has been so freeing. To find other people like you who feel the same way about Peter as I do has been such a relief and has helped to calm my soul. It has been real therapy to be able to share how I feel with Peters family,you and everyone else. Yes, I too think Peter was still a beautiful man at 50. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.
My first metal show was January 1994. I liked Pantera and they were coming to town. Some group named Type O opened up for them so I found out they sang a song called Black #1 so I hoped to hear that. We were a bunch of 15 year olds standing around on the floor, smoking doobies, dressed in black, and the smell of patchouli was all around. When the lights went dark, the loose crowd began to contract. They came out with something heavy and fast from Carnivore. I backed the fuck up because I said these folks are nuts rushing torwards the front. All I remember was a tall guy with an odd, mysterious voice singing until Pantra came on. 4 years later on a date, sitting in a movie theater, I remember telling my date that was Type O singing the opening credits of IKWYDLS with that unique voice from Pete. Finally, when I was 26 and messed up from a relatioship gone bad, I slowly listened to the words Pete was singing; everything I was feeling, he was singing! It helped me through a tough, dark time and I later saw them again in 2007. I saw them 5 more times including Pete's 4th last performance in Atlanta. I loved to hear his humor between songs. I miss driving 4 hours to see them and playing all their CD's back to back before a show. I have a picture of the band in my kitchen with all my ticket stubs in the photo; oh, how I miss the band.
ReplyDeleteThat was so heartfelt and touching! Spoken straight from the heart . . .I to had a rough upbringing and Type O's music helped me immensely. I've cried over Peter as well, and my friends and family have wondered how I could be so sad over the death of someone I never met. I wondered it too. I honestly think its because Peter and his music (poetry) touched my soul.Reading this blog has further shown me what a great friend, brother, and son he really was. I'm glad you are doing good in your life and I wish you the best. Thanks for this beautiful post!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written ..I agree with mike and the others as well. The picture are breathtaking i love them both. Thank you for sharing your wonderful story :)
ReplyDeleteI too love the cat picture the best! Miss M your thoughts and feelings mirror mine so much! I'm happy you had TON to help you through your terrible childhood. I wish I had them for mine but I had other music to help me through. Thank goodness because I don't think I would have fared so well without it. I found TON as an adult and the moment I saw them live I was hooked! My breath literally left my body. I think I stood there with my mouth hanging open. HIS voice, along with Johnny's drumming (plus he's so hot), Kenny's guitar playing, along with his back-up vocals, and Josh's dramatic and masterful keyboard playing came together so perfectly! I was truly amazed. It started a very long love affair that I never wanted to end. I thought Peter was looking gorgeous as he got older too (although he was only 4 years older then me so...not so old after all) I along with you am so happy we were given this opportunity to be able to share our thoughts and memories. I still feel so selfish in my grief (like what right do I have to grieve!)cause I didn't know him personally and I have come to learn just how much he meant to his family and friends through their selflessness in sharing in this blog. We as fans are so lucky to have this outlet where we can share feelings, stories, and artwork. I am forever greatful to Darcie and the Ratajczyk Family! I don't feel like the freak here, it's ok that I still feel sad. :*( or that I have a TON tattoo and listen to them everyday! It's a good thing from a bad thing. Peace to you guys always!!!
ReplyDeleteThis was absolutely beautiful, Mary. I share a lot of the same sentiments and thoughts. My photo pick is for both pictures, though the second one pulls at my heartstrings more as that was how he looks when I'd first become acquainted with him.
ReplyDeleteHIS SMILE
ReplyDeleteIt's always hard to pick a favorite picture of Peter STeele. He's amazing in every single one. I like both but if I had to pick, I'll pick #1. But that smile is #2 like i said it's hard. This story warms my heart once again. We were all so proud of Peter when he became sober only to pass away...that is the sadest reality I can think. The world, the fans are taking a collective sigh, we are crying tears of sadness for the family, the band. Often people say you'll get over it, but you never do. You learn to live w/it but you never get over it. How can you? Especially when you were looking forward to growing old with Peter and more music. That's the hardest part. When I read how you are cleaning out his house, that hits me hard too. I've mentioned our David who passed away 4 yrs ago. I understand how it feels. Time helps get you some acceptanace but it still hurts each and every day. Some days I break down and cry, I see David's sweet face, I see him walking thru my hall and giving me that hug with that smile. Peter was one of those men you loved to hear about, listen to talk, enjoy his humor because he was a real man. No apologies, no excuses, he lived his life the way he wanted to. That smile, that talent. I rec'd my memorial t shirt and I'm wearing it right now at work. It is an honor remembering a man who will never be far from my thoughts and prayers. We miss you Peter. Thank you again for sharing your stories with us.
ReplyDeleteOHHHHH THANK YOU FOR USING MY WORK IN YOUR BLOG. THE KITTY OF COURSE REPRESENTS PETE BUT THE WOLF DOES ALSO...MAJIKAL, MYSTERIOUS, BEAUTIFUL, SHY, ETC.
ReplyDeleteMARE AND MISS M ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON!!
MUCH LOVE TO YOU DARCIE AND YOUR FAMILIA.
I just heard about Jani Lane passing away, lead singer of Warrant (Cherry Pie). I met him once at a RATT Concert, he pinched my ass I was very excited...Jani Lane pinched my butt!! I looked good that night. Very sad, it happened just little ways away from where I live in Woodland Hills, CA. He was 47 yrs old. Just one year younger than Peter when he passed. This is another loss to the music industry, he was a nice guy. Musicians, to me you are like Gods. You sing songs that we can all relate to in some fashion. Another singer/song writer up in heaven now. Hang w/Peter he'd like that Jani. My sympathies to both families again.
ReplyDeleteI had a nice dream last night that Pete and Josh came to my town to see me. It was like I won some kind of meeting w/ them. For two days I'd wake up and go to a studio to hang out with them for the day. We would spend the day joking around like a bunch of teenagers and talking about music we liked. Then my dream skipped to us riding in a car somewhere. I don't know if we were going to an airport or what but I remember having the same gut wrenching feeling that I did the day I found out he had passed away. We didnt speak to each other at this point and rode in complete silence. (Josh was driving- Pete and I were in the back.) All of a sudden Pete put his arm around my shoulder and said "Don't be sad. Everythings going to be alright."
ReplyDeleteAnd then I woke up with a song stuck in my head. It's was Chicago's " You're The Inspiration". I only remember the chorus kept going through my head. I only hope now that it was actually Peter himself visiting me and not my own subconscious. .... R.I.P. Pete.
~ H
Hi all--
ReplyDeleteYes, I share many of the same sentiments with Miss M, as I'm sure many (I should say, All) here do. Very touching and nicely put.
I had to keep looking at the pictures and walking away, coming back to them at a later time. I like the wolf and the cat (both have always been a favorite of mine), but I have to say that I like the top pic (with the cat) better. It's more mysterious. I look at Peter's face and wonder what he's thinking. The bottom one--something about his smile doesn't seem 'natural' to me. It looks strange. (Okay folks--no hate mail!! :)) Maybe--put the wolf AND the cat in the top pic?! Anyway...
Thanks for another touching story. And I really enjoy seeing the contributions from the fans. Such talented people out there! A good weekend to all!
Love & Gratitude--Patty P
I have to pick #2 as my favorite just because of that KILLER smile, good lord! Sweet and sexy at the same time. #1 is lovely too, but there's something about his smile in #2 that just gets to me. Thanks to you Miss M for sharing your sentiments, I really know what it's like to use music as a saving grace. I don't know where I'd be without music to fall back on when things get rough, and like you I've used this tactic since a young age.
ReplyDeleteHappy Weekend to the Ratajczyk's and everyone else :)
I want to apologize to the artist of these pics. above. I was so caught up in posting my dream that I forgot to mention how BEAUTIFUL they both are! My favorite is the second b/c we can see Peter's awesome smile. I haven't seen many of those, and when I do it puts a twinkle in my eye. Wonderful job! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteboth of the pictures are beautiful, its a hard pick.im sure Peter would love the one with the cat because he was a cat lover,my personal pick is the one where he is smiling with the wolves, because he has a beautiful smile, and i am partial to wolves, very beautiful work.
ReplyDeleteCan't possibly choose between those two beautiful works of art. They seem to reflect very different sides of Pete. Choosing one facet of Pete's multidimensional life to like most would be equally impossible.
ReplyDeleteMiss M's sentiments are dead-on, and it seemed we all wanted to embrace Pete's wonderful personality no matter which stage he was in. As much as his life changed and evolved he seemed to be consistently just so, well, Pete!
His appearance did change with time, and he evolved to become handsome in different ways over the years but seemed to purposely remain physically attractive in adult life out of kindness to others rather than vanity or a need for power. That's a rare trait.
The full moon was beautiful last night at the cemetary, and my friends & I sung along to the music at the movie screening there while sipping my delicious newly discovered Kickapoo juice. Thought of Pete while singing along to Jimi Hendrix's performance of 'Hey Joe', teared up a bit and went for a walk in the moonlight. Really miss him.
Miss M & Mare – thank you for these great contributions – both very touching. Regarding the pics I have also a problem with deciding – first thought was of course the one with the cat for knowing Pete’s love for cats but I also love the image with the wolve & I agree with dunebuggy4 that both are showing different sides of Peter and both are fitting perfect for his character & I love his smile on the wolve pic (maybe because the pics with a smiling Pete are rare). And the lines written by Mare are just so true, they are again reflecting what so many (or all of us in this blog – because otherwise why would we visit this blog daily) of us feel & it helps so much to know that I am not an alien or a sick mind to feel this way. I know that it may seem strange to many people to grieve over someone’s death if you did not know this person in real & I have also asked myself: do I even have the right to feel in this way ? -Considering how terrible this all is for Pete’s family, band mates and close friends Now with this blog I know that it is okay and that I am not alone with these feelings & also I feel glad when I read from The Ratajczyk family that this blog is some form of healing - this thought is very comforting as I was hoping that it could turn out to be this way since you give so much to us with sharing your precious memories of your uncle Pete – this unmatched, unique personality – oh God we miss you, we really miss you. And I completely agree with RoseR – time may help to deal but I think one never gets completely over such deep cuts (at least that is my experience so far).
ReplyDeleteMuch love & respect
-Sabine-
Yes we are a colony of FANS N Family, thank you for sharing your story with us.... N Miss Mare, you always do such wonderful pictures of Peter. Much love N respect to the Ratajcyzk's
ReplyDeleteAmy Wigle